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Boys gone wild: Spring break in the wheat state

April 18, 2005

Editor's note: Lewis and Clark were great explorers but they are dead. They have been replaced by the greatest explorers of all time, Jesse Overright, Andy Gingerich and Jesse Nathan. One fine evening, Op-ed editor Rachel Combs was privileged to sit down and talk with them.

Rachel: What was the first feeling you had when you made that discovery?

Jesse O: Oh, you mean the magical dinosaur? Wow, it felt great. Really good.

Jesse N: It was common.

Andy: [Stares blankly].

Rachel: So, tell me a little about how you prepared for this expedition of grandeur, I'm sure it took months of training.

Andy: We'll for the most part we were all out of shape, and there wasn't really enough time for training, so I just decided to sleep a lot.

Jesse N: No, really, we just stretched each day before we biked and then pretended not to know how far we were going to bike each day. Actually, we really didn't know how far we were going each day, it was kind of a seat of the pants (bike shorts in my case) sort of thing.

Jesse O: I prepared by making several mistakes. First, I bought used bike shorts. That's like one step above using someone else's toothbrush. Which we did also. I also watched some Indiana Jones, but that was after I got back from break, so I guess that was sort of post-preparation, which is entirely worthless.

Rachel: So, your spring break destination, central Kansas, is a bit unusual. Most people head to destination spots, such as Cancun, Miami, or someplace warm. You chose Kansas. Why?

Jesse N: We were broke.

Andy: I was hoping to find Santa.

Jesse O: We couldn't get any farther. We packed up a tent, clothes, food, and supplies all on our bikes. That made them heavy. And slow.

Rachel: So I heard someone lost their virginity on the trip. Can you tell me a little about that?

Jesse O: Oh, actually that was a rumor. I think someone lost their keys, and that held us up for three days before we realized we didn't need them. But I can see how a rumor like that would be started. Entirely false, however. I mean partially false.

Andy: You can actually bike quite a ways on a spare key, but you have to really watch your pressure and you have to keep it under 55 mph.

Jesse N: [Distracted by Cameltoes]

Rachel: So, tell me about your highest and lowest points in your tour. Did you ever want to give up?

Andy: My favorite part of the trip was when we were biking with the wind at our back. The worst part of the trip was when I had to amputate my right arm after I got it stuck in Jesse O.'s spokes (hey, it's a nice bike).

Jesse: Yeah that sucked. I didn't have a whole lot of medical experience before the trip, but I don't think we could have saved his arm at the time. Looking back, I might have acted a little hasty. Sorry Andy.

Andy: My handwriting is terrible now.

Jesse: Um…well, honestly, my favorite part was camping on the Klaassen's lawn and trying to figure out if their dog was barking at us or not. My least favorite part was trying to sleep with that dog barking.
Rachel: Was there ever any arguing between the three of you? It must be difficult trying to pull off something like this.

Andy: Sure we had our points of conflict, but we worked out a system based around fuzzy things that kept everything pretty cool. Cotton swabs, teddy bears, catapillars, pipe cleaners, and others really helped us get through the whole adventure without much fighting.

Jesse N: Mainly we argued about whether we should go to bed at 8 or 9 pm every evening. We also got pretty worked up about how many burritos we each got. It was a hungry time, and my metabolism was waaaaaaay up.

Jesse O: There wasn't so much arguing as collective fear. We usually didn't know where we were going to sleep, so we'd take turns being scared. I was pretty good at it. But we found awesome places to stay. The first night we stayed in Bentley at Brian and Brenda Asher's old house outside of town. I guess Brenda went to Bethel some years back and we met her at a gas station randomly. It was great. Except it thunder stormed that night, and I got scared again.
Rachel: Tell me about your potty breaks.

Jesse N: This is a really interesting question. I don't really know how to talk about this. Hannah Klaassen's house was actually our first real encounter with a clean toilet. It was a really nice toilet, until afterwards. Also, we forgot toilet paper the first day or so, but that was actually God's will, because it forced us to be creative.

Jesse O: God's will or not, forgetting toilet paper isn't something I'd recommend if you're going to take a bike trip. Let me just say we all really take for granted working plumbing.

Andy: I kind of like pooping outside.

Jesse N: And biking makes you really good at holding it.

Rachel: Did you encounter any wildlife that was new to you?

Jesse N: Nope.

Jesse O: Oh yeah, the elusive Central Kansas wildlife.

Rachel: Tell me about your earliest memories involving bicycles. When did you learn to ride?

Andy: I actually rode out of my mothers womb on bicycle. The doctor like totally freaked out, you should have seen it man, it was hilarious.

Jesse N: Back in Mexico, we used to ride to “La Tienda” and get coke with my friends. It was rad. Then there was the time I biked down a hill really fast in Minnesota, only I didn’t realize that the end of the hill had a really sharp turn. I was wearing sandals and I turned so fast that the bike just kinda fell over. That meant that my sandaled feet dragged along underneath the bike for a while. It tore up my foot pretty good, but I got scars, so it’s okay.

Rachel: What safety precautions did you take? Did you wear your helmets?

Jesse O: Yes we were responsible and wore helmets. Before we even made it out of North Newton Andy’s bike broke down. A cable snapped and almost ended the trip before it started. Luckily, we made the precaution of having an Ace Hardware in town that sold replacement cables. We also bumped into Duane and Larry Friesen there. They gave us some advice on the winds which we promptly ignored. After spending about 3 hours pedalling against the mighty wind, we caved.

Rachel: Did anyone fall down?

Jesse N: Well, actually one time a semi-truck passed me on a road with a small shoulder and a deep ditch and the wind from the passing truck blew me off the road into the ditch.

Andy: And one time, I wasn’t watching and I accidentally biked into Jesse’s back tire. I flipped over the front handle bars and knocked Jesse’s seat into his butt. And then he got knocked into the ditch again. Meanwhile, the other Jesse rode away and left us stranded.

Rachel: Sometimes bikers can be harassed by drivers on th e road, did you encounter any hositility on your trip?

Andy: One time I almost ran over a squirrel and he looked pretty pissed off. But other than that everyone was really friendly. I think Something about being on bikes makes poeple really open up to you.

Jesse N: And a lot of people offered us places to stay, it was neat.

Jesse O: The worst riding we had all trip was anywhere near Walmart. Seriously, have you ever tried to get there on foot? The roads in El Dorado and Newton that pass Walmart are some of the ugliest I’ve ever seen or been on. We really noticed the ugliness of cars.

Rachel: Tell me how you ate. Did you bring food or find it along the way?

Jesse N: Mostly we foraged, but that got old after a little while, and some of us got constipated too. Nonetheless, we pushed on (no pun intended) selflessly, sacrificing many things, like our bowels, so that we could follow honorably in the footsteps of Lewis and Clark.

Andy: We brought a camp stove and ate camping type food, but we also took advantage of small town cafes whenever possible.

Rachel: So what’s your opinion? If you could do it all over again, what would you change?

Jesse O: My clothes more often! ha! Oh man, that was good. So good.

Jesse N: I would take Duane and Larry’s advice next time. Also, don’t forget lipstick!

Andy: I would bring my mom.

Jesse Overright is a senior from Normal, Ill.
Andrew “Showbiz” Gingerich is a senior from Albuquerque, NM.
Jesse Nathan is a senior from Moundridge, Kan.

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